Could’ve, Should’ve… Would’ve?

Minutes of attempting to fiddle some small wires in above my head. They’re all rubbish. Damn. Try and go up. Nopeee that feels bad. Definitely want gear. Shake out. Step up again, try and fiddle in a wire. Nope. It’s just not going to go in. Climb down. Shake out again. Shit I’m going to have to try and go for it again. Climb up. A little further. My last cluster of gear is below my feet. One more move and I’ll be fully committed and unable to down climb. Can’t quite see how to do it and can’t hang around here. Little time bombs in my arms are ticking away as energy fades. Shiiiiit. Panicky, awkward down climb. Arms exhausted. Sit on the gear in despair. 

Only then do I see a perfect little wire placement just above where I’d been trying to place one. Mierda!!!!!!!! Go up, place the wire. All of a sudden the moves past it – the same ones that felt so awkward and wrong and scary without gear – are no problem. 

I hate myself a little bit, it’s just so disappointing. It’s so hard to come to terms with failure when you know you could have – should have – tried harder!

Never mind, what can I do but learn from this?!

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